This is another book that has the tag ‘return to Mum’. It’s a good thing I put these tags in books I’ve been loaned, I’d never remember to return them. This is one of those ‘must read’ books, one to be read over and over again until you’ve learned the lessons and can stand on your own two feet (or four wheels if you’ve got a wheelchair).
We spend a lot of time in Pung’s head as she grows up and looks after her younger siblings while her parents work. They’ve come to Australia for a better life, a safe life. And then they do what so many immigrants do, they work really hard to provide for their children. Her father built up a Retravision franchise from nothing, he ends up having two shops. Her family spend a lot of time telling them to study hard, and warning them against boys. This means they don’t know how to mix with Australians who have been here for generations. We see this illustrated during Pung’s valedictory dinner where she’s sitting with people like her who also don’t know how to go and talk to the popular people, or anyone other than their table.
She was under enormous pressure to study hard and do well. Pung was encouraged to go to university by her parents and her grandma. Pung then illustrates the deep depression she’s fallen into by doing too much and having so much pressure. And then she finds out she’s done really well and received good marks. She then had her pick of good universities, including awards and scholarships. Reading this book I felt all of the accolades should have been accepted as something normal for her before getting through school. Instead Pung felt she’d failed. She was contemplating her future as a wife of a doctor with nothing to do except look pretty. This would not have suited such a bright person and I’m so glad she did well in her exams.
But, having done so well she still has all the demons in her head. Depression doesn’t go away with the snap of fingers because you’ve passed one huge hurdle. It takes time. This is illustrated beautifully in Pung’s careful prose.
The crowd in my head did not give me any applause, they just eventually scattered. But they scattered slowly, painfully slowly, like an irascible old person leaving a good seat at the theatre. It took months for all of the scattered thoughts to disappear. They were like vampires, needing my blood and energy to sustain them for that just one more day, that one more hour. But I would move on, move away, move up. They would die, and I would live.
I hadn’t realised how apt this was until just now. Demons can be in your head for any reason. Mine are leaving as I type, but it’s taken years to get to this stage. This is the other reason to read this book again. Just by sharing her life she can help you find out where you are on this journey. I read this some weeks ago. Since then my sister said something to me which felt like the last piece in a 3D jigsaw puzzle. Rereading this paragraph I can see the demons are leaving me.
Having said all of that I only made one note for the entire book. Such lovely prose and I’ve only made one note about the number 4. Page 180 in my copy has a less on on the Chinese and numbers. Apparently 4 sounds like the word for “dead” in Chinese so you could never use that word. But this paragraph took me instantly to Terry Pratchett’s Discworld books. In Discworld the wizards won’t use the number between 7 and 9 because it’s not a lucky number. It’s also 2 x 4. You can see this illustrated in lspace, along with the last line about the number 4 being a bad word for the Chinese. Pung had me asking yet again, how much did Terry Pratchett know?
Along with all of the above you get a person who is devoted to her family. Her grandmother seems to be singled out for special treatment as both of her parents spent a lot of time working in the early days. Her grandmother looked after her and they shared a bed together. I enjoyed reading about the special relationship they had.
I can’t recommend this book highly enough. It’s taken me over an hour to write 700 odd words because I kept dipping back into the book and being lost in the story, lost in the prose, and just generally wanting to reread the book again. I need to return this copy to Mum, but I will be reading it again in the future.