Paratalk or torque?

My new column, with a title that somehow makes sense. From now on until I stop I will be examining a paragraph in whatever detail I choose. This is also a good time for guests to pop in and do their own paragraph.

Today I can’t guarantee to take this seriously. The book I’ve picked up at random is The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Weddings by Joshua Piven, David Borgenicht, and Sarah Jordan. No affiliate links to this book, you probably don’t want it.

It’s an intriguing book and I won’t be keeping it long. Many things can go wrong with a wedding and this book could help you out. Of course, some of the entries seem a little off such as this one about what to do if the flowers don’t arrive.

Borrow from a nearby cemetery.

Scout out graves with very large headstones, monuments, or other elaborate markers, which are likely to have more impressive arrangements. Find a fresh arrangement at a location with no one around. Before taking the flowers, take careful note of the grave’s location, so that you can return them after the wedding.

Why??? If your flowers haven’t arrived there are other options. There’s asking friends, family and neighbours for their flowers. There’s finding the nearest flower shop and buying them out. There are other suggestions in the book but they’re also not to my taste.

Having panned it like that, there are many things one could do with this idea when writing a story. I’ll just leave it for you to cogitate.