Twilight – Stephenie Meyer

Twilight – Stephenie MeyerTwilight by Stephenie Meyer
Published by Atom Pages: 435
Goodreads

Here we go, for some reason you lot have been hanging out for this rant from me. I have to get this out of my system before I do my quiz for uni. If you’re a fan you might want to leave right now…you have been warned.

I now understand why 50 Shades of Grey is so bad. I’ve read the first 80 pages and there was so much repetition and so much bad writing I got so bored I gave up. Reading Twilight explains it all. And for those few of you who don’t know, 50 Shades of Grey is fan fiction of Twilight. Some adult female was so enamoured with Twilight she wrote fan fiction and put it on some fan fiction website. Somehow this translated to a published book, I’m sure there’s some magic in there.

There is so much repetition here, if Meyer cut the repetition even by one third it would be a much better book. Meyer seems to believe in tell rather than show and she tells us on ever so many occasions how clumsy Bella feels she is, but we also hear it from Edward. There is such a thing as being given information too many times. It gets boring and is an insult to the reader.

Getting to the story. Why does everyone get so excited by a very old man entering a 17 year old’s bedroom and just staring at her while she sleeps? This is not only pedophilia but stalking and also breaking and entering. That’s only two crimes with the potential for a third, it’s not many so I’m not sure why I’m getting all het up about it.

But, having been snarky, let’s go back to reality for a bit. Go back to high school and just think about the crush you had on the older teacher. I’ll emphasise that one older teacher, that older teacher who everyone had a crush on. In almost every class there is someone who thinks that older teacher is going to marry them, who thinks they are special enough. Actually, there was one person a few years ahead of me who did just that, as soon as she was of legal age they married. I reckon this is why Twilight appeals, not just to young adults but also their mothers. It’s about the girl who doesn’t realise she’s cool, the girl who is so clumsy she shouldn’t be let out without an escort and a bubble wrap suit, the girl who gets the cool-ever-so-much-older-guy.

So, Bella lusts after Edward, the cool-ever-so-much-older-guy. He makes one attempt to stay away from her and then puts the ball in her court ‘you should stay away from me’ he says, knowing she won’t. He hasn’t the self-control to stay away from her as the cool-ever-so-much-older-guy and knows she’s young and easily swayed so he puts the ball in her court. Now tell, why does she keep running after him? And then there’s the other problem. If he can read everyone’s minds how come he has no idea he dazzles people? Can’t he read their minds and know this?

Let’s have a look at the vampire issue. It’s a very lust-driven issue. The whole biting on the neck is very erotic and a metaphor for sex, a problem in this whole series. It was written by a Mormon who believes sex before marriage shouldn’t happen and yet she’s written a series of books about a young girl lusting after the ever-so-much-older-guy with lots of erotic imagery. And the image on the front cover of my book with a young girl holding out a red apple, another erotic image, one straight from the Garden of Eden, a nice biblical story.

For the record. The best way to read this book when you absolutely have to is with friends. Read a page each, if you’re from different cultures with different accents this only enhances the experience and makes it more bearable. I wouldn’t recommend a drinking game as you’d be drunk too quickly. Every time she mentions her clumsiness, every time she mentions how attracted she is to Edward…if you’ve read the book you get the idea.

Also for the record. I’m not giving you an affiliate link for this book. While there is some promise here, there is so much wrong. I just wish the editor had put a bit more thought into getting Meyer to write this properly.

I’ve been watching the movie while I write and there’s so much wrong with it. Continuity errors abound and I don’t normally notice those on the first viewing. I’ve seriously enjoyed some of the stunts and special effects, just not the sparklyness, vampires don’t sparkle. At least they didn’t put her in high heels with a broken leg.

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